I Liiiiive!

(If you read that in the voice of Mushu from Disney's Mulan, you win.)

So yes, crazy as it may seem, I'm actually still alive. I didn't intend to disappear for this long, but unfortunately, real life happened. The past two semesters at university were really, really tough for me. Back in late-October and early-November, I had a crisis of identity. For those of you who've seen Kiki's Delivery Service, I lost my ability to fly, and I had to find my own inspiration so I could fly again. I was also buried under a literal mountain of schoolwork. In the fall semester, I was taking two English classes and two Women's Studies classes, and all four were extremely reading/writing heavy. I was reading the equivalent of two to three books and writing one to two papers per week—which, coming from community college, where I was just getting general requirements out of the way, was a huge transition for me. To all you potential transfer students out there, when they warn you about "transfer shock," please take them seriously. If you're not prepared, it can be devastating. Actually, even if you're prepared, it can still be devastating.

So I responded to the immense amount of stress in my life by disconnecting from the internet. I stopped blogging; I stopped reading other people's blogs; I stopped reading my favorite web comics; I stopped watching videos on YouTube; I didn't go on Facebook for a month and a half (which is an impressive feat for me). It was hard enough to carve out enough time to host the blog carnival like I'd agreed I would. But I did it, because I'm a lady of my word, and then I promptly disconnected again. All I worried about was eating, sleeping, and schoolwork. The good news is that I survived, and I think I'm flying again. I made friends, and I did well in my classes, and I'm now officially done with my first full year at real university

If anyone's curious, I had to make another blog for the poetry class I took this past semester. All it contains right now is my opinions about poetry, but I rather like it (they are my opinions, after all). I have to admit, I also like its name and url better. I have to figure if and how I'm going to keep using it. Looking at this blog now (meaning Really and Ideally), I find myself faced with the inexplicable urge to delete all my posts. I'll do my best not to do that, because I think it's a little obnoxious, but we'll have to see if I keep writing here at all, and what direction I decide to take it.

Oh, and an update to one of my previous posts: I did come out to my mom, and she was totally awesome about it. We had a really great hour-and-a-half long talk, and (as often is the case with me) it turned out that I probably needn't have worried at all. Thanks again to the people who offered me support!

Fun with Interpretation

[This post is for the 5th Carnival of Aces.]

I’m starting to realize, more and more, that people are infinitely capable of different interpretations of the same thing. Two people could look at the same sentence, the same action, the same facial expression, and get something completely different out of it. It all depends on where you’re coming from. Our experiences, our opinions, and our ideas shape the way we view the world – and the way we view media.

Take anime, for instance. The first full-length anime series I ever saw was Fruits Basket. I watched the show around the time I was twelve years old. It promptly became an obsession. I’ve seen all twenty-six more times than I can count, and I showed them to as many of my friends as I could (and got them obsessed too). After a couple years, though, our obsession waned and we all moved on. I hadn’t watched an episode of Furuba probably since I was fourteen.

This past June, however, I got together with several friends and we decided to watch it again.

[Keep in mind that I am only discussing the anime here, and ignoring any aspects of the manga that aren’t present in said anime.]

Aside from the awesome nostalgia this viewing inspired, I was amazed at how much a different perspective can change the way you look at media. When I was twelve, I was an avid Tohru/Yuki shipper. I thought they were the perfect couple, and I was convinced that the entire anime was subtly backing me up. When I was twelve, I also knew nothing about relationships other than the monogamous, romantic, and heterosexual. “Straight” people were the only ones with which I had any personal experience. Had I watched the anime for the first time at age sixteen instead, I probably would have shipped Yuki/Kyo (I went through a bit of a yaoi phase in high school).

I’ve learned a lot since I was twelve – and since I was sixteen, for that matter. I got involved with LGBT communities and received quite an education from books, movies, and friends. I discovered asexuality, and started to read all kinds of fascinating things about sexuality, orientations, and relationship models. With this new knowledge in hand, I guess it’s not surprising that I looked at Fruits Basket in a completely different light this time around. As I studied the relationship between Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo, it occurred to me how much they all grow together throughout the anime. I realized how much they (sometimes subconsciously) admire each other and depend on each other. It became steadily more obvious to me that the relationship between the three of them was the most influential, the most meaningful, in the show. Then, at some point during the penultimate episode, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be interesting if Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo were in some kind of queerplatonic non-sexual triad?”

It might sound a little farfetched to some people, but really, why not? If they matter that much to each other, and if it would make them happy, then what could be wrong with it? Of course, Yuki and Kyo would have to suck it up and admit that they both secretly respect each other, which probably wouldn’t ever happen. But the way I see it, the stronger-than-average friendship between Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo is much more powerful than any other “pairing” in the show. I might even go so far as to suggest it’s the driving force behind the anime. So, even if the writers and animators didn’t intend to portray such a relationship, what’s wrong with me interpreting it that way?

Furthermore, I also reexamined the relationship between Shigure, Hatori, and Ayame. Their friendship is clearly vital to them. Hatori had his doomed romance with Kana, and it’s possible to construe Aya and Mine’s relationship as romantic as well. But it’s obvious that those three men will always depend on each other, and will always come back to each other for companionship and support. I’d enjoyed their friendship (and antics) ever since I started watching the anime, but it was new and intriguing to consider just how powerful that friendship could be for them – and likely is.

Since I myself am particularly desirous of deep, meaningful friendship, it was really special to look at this anime and find it in the kind of relationships I might be interested in having. It gave an old favorite a fresh and stronger significance for me.

One last note before I end this: I am in no way trying to say that everyone on the asexual continuum should content themselves with trying to see “non-traditional” relationships wherever there is ambiguity in existing media. I believe that media representation is extremely important. We need media to show us people we can relate to, without ambiguity and without interpretation. We should be able to read books, watch movies, and listen to music that accurately represents the variety – and value – of us. Also, people who aren’t a part of the ace continuum need to know that we exist, and a very good way to accomplish that would be through media.